Blog anxiety...

So I love reading blogs...

All different types written by all sorts of different people.

It just proves to me that people are so unique and special in so many different ways.  We each have our own passions and ideas, troubles and challenges. 

All of the blogs I read inspire me in some way.  They encourage me to want to cook, create, play, farm, simplify, have fun, improve my relationships, make, photograph or just stop and be still.  To be grateful and present.  To appreciate who and what I have in my life.

The only downside to this, is that at times it stops me from blogging.

Which brings me to another point...

Why do I want to blog?

At times I thought it was because I wanted to try and create a business from home, because I wanted to be one of those people inspiring others, I wanted to prove that being at home with my kids could produce something "important".

Well, none of those things were enough to motivate me on a consistent basis.  It just confused me as to which direction to go in to make my blog important.  Hmmm...am I a mummy blogger? A health blogger? Simple living?  Aaaarrrggghhhh.

Nup.  I'm not going to fit into any one category. 

It also led me to compare myself...and somehow I could never match up.  How was I meant to share my life, my experiences when there were so many others doing it bigger and better than I was?

What I learnt in the process is that I don't want to be a writer or a photographer. I don't want to sell anything.  I can't change the world.  So many of these people, doing so many amazing things are paying a price that I'm not willing to.  It is the right path for them, but not for me.

So why do I really want to blog?

At the end of the day, I just want to record my family.  I want to be able to look back and remember this time of my life. 

It may be boring to everyone else out there, but I've decided this blog shouldn't be for "everyone else" it's for me.  And my children.  And my grandchildren. 

I truly adore my life, it is unique and I am pretty crazy - haha.  (Just ask my husband!)  I have gorgeous boys that I want to celebrate. 

I want to stop "trying" to be a blogger and just be a person with a blog.  I need to let go and just be me.  Honest and real.  Imperfect. 

Our lives are our ultimate creation.  We get to decide how to paint the canvas, and if we decide to change the entire colour scheme 100 times we can.  We can add texture and colour, or we can cover it in black and leave it lifeless.  We can start off influenced one way and completely change it to another.  We can cover it with white and start again, and again, and again. It's our choice.  It's our freedom. 

It scares me a little.  It's easier to pretend.  Who would have thought that it would be so hard to just be myself? 

Deep breath. 

Let's get on with it. 

Linking with Essentially Jess for #IBOT